This is my now
Today, I lost my job. A job I loved more than anything. I always described it as the job of my dreams. And now, it is gone. The last five days were agony....the waiting made it the most stressful five days I've experienced. They were painful. But it is over. And right now I feel like I'm standing still, desperately trying to make sense of my new reality while everyone else moves forward. But I won't stay still for long.
I have had a wide range of emotion today. From denial and anger to the deepest pain I've ever felt. It feels personal...even though I know it is not. It feels like I'm now on the outside looking in...even though I know I am not. It feels like I've been abandoned...even though I know that is not true. Feelings and reality conflict sometimes. But one thing I've learned in life is to make sure I focus on what is real and true and good. And I am doing just that.
I let myself ask the question "why" this morning...and after about an hour of this, I realized, I wasn't going to get the answer (unless I started to hear voices telling me why and let's face it...THAT would be a bigger problem than just losing a job). I'm done asking why. Instead, I am choosing to focus on what is next.
Through all of this, I've never for a second doubted God or His plan for my life. He's taken me on a wild ride so far but I know that each situation I've faced, each hardship I've dealt with...I've come out on the other side being better, stronger and closer to Him. Right now is no different.
I'm not going to be angry (or try not to... let's face it, I am indeed human), I refuse to be bitter and I refuse to lose hope. I have so many wonderful things in my life and I'm proud of what I have done and how far I've come.
So what's next for me? Well, I am still going to marry the most incredible man in the entire world. I am going to be the absolute best Mom I can be for Dawson. And I'm going to take some time to breathe. I don't think I've done that in a while. Maybe this is God's way of forcing me to rest....he knows I can be stubborn and not do it on my own. :)
Thank you to all my family and friends who have shown me love and support today. Keep the prayers coming. The hurt isn't gone yet...but I know that it is only a temporary emotion and that soon enough, I'll have successfully picked myself back up, dusted myself off and will be able to look back and smile. God always has a plan. I know that now more than anything.
God is still good.
I have had a wide range of emotion today. From denial and anger to the deepest pain I've ever felt. It feels personal...even though I know it is not. It feels like I'm now on the outside looking in...even though I know I am not. It feels like I've been abandoned...even though I know that is not true. Feelings and reality conflict sometimes. But one thing I've learned in life is to make sure I focus on what is real and true and good. And I am doing just that.
I let myself ask the question "why" this morning...and after about an hour of this, I realized, I wasn't going to get the answer (unless I started to hear voices telling me why and let's face it...THAT would be a bigger problem than just losing a job). I'm done asking why. Instead, I am choosing to focus on what is next.
Through all of this, I've never for a second doubted God or His plan for my life. He's taken me on a wild ride so far but I know that each situation I've faced, each hardship I've dealt with...I've come out on the other side being better, stronger and closer to Him. Right now is no different.
I'm not going to be angry (or try not to... let's face it, I am indeed human), I refuse to be bitter and I refuse to lose hope. I have so many wonderful things in my life and I'm proud of what I have done and how far I've come.
So what's next for me? Well, I am still going to marry the most incredible man in the entire world. I am going to be the absolute best Mom I can be for Dawson. And I'm going to take some time to breathe. I don't think I've done that in a while. Maybe this is God's way of forcing me to rest....he knows I can be stubborn and not do it on my own. :)
Thank you to all my family and friends who have shown me love and support today. Keep the prayers coming. The hurt isn't gone yet...but I know that it is only a temporary emotion and that soon enough, I'll have successfully picked myself back up, dusted myself off and will be able to look back and smile. God always has a plan. I know that now more than anything.
God is still good.
Labels: About Me
posted by Lindsay Helman at 1/26/2009
14 Comments:
It's ok to be mad. I've been where you are not long ago. Pain is real, it sucks and it hurts. Thank God you have someone to lean on when you go home. I think you're attitude is right, God has you, you have a future, you just don't know it yet.
We're praying for you.
All of this sounds like lame platitudes, and I suppose it is. I don't mean it that way. I'm not the platitudinal type of guy. In fact, writing platitudinal almost made me shehulk... ;)
You are loved friend. You are loved.
Yer Captain.
Lindsay, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There aren't words. Just know that you are loved and you are awesome!
I'm praying for you! God is good!
Lindsay - You are indeed one amazing woman of God. Your outlook on this is very encouraging. Thanks for sharing something that's so close to your heart.
Praying for you, and the rest of GCC Staff
Jim and I went through this with two little kids. During the time of his job loss, I couldn't help but smile and know that His plan for us is even bigger than my brain could possibly imagine. Holding onto what we know is true(Phil 4:8)-He wants to bless us and with this knowledge we find joy. Just wait my friend-He ain't done with you yet, I know this! I love you and will continue to pray for you!
I've been praying for you all day Lindsay. I know nothing I can say will take care of the pain. I can't imagine what the last few days have been like for you. You have such a beautiful heart. God is just beginning something bigger than you can imagine in you. It might not feel like it but wait for him. I love you girl and I'm praying for you and Dawson. Give him a big high five for me.
today there are no words to speak - know that you're loved and you're already missed.
Lindsay, I appreciate your honesty and your courage. Be assured of our love, prayers, and encouragement.
Pastor Joel DeSelm
Woodburn Missionary Church
Many people you do not know are praying for you, all others who have been affected, and the entire church/community.
Lindsay, my prayers are with you. I so enjoyed working with you on the wiredchurches workshops, your professionalism and fun spirit made the experience incredible.
I'm confident that God has great things for you as you transition into your next adventure.
Texas Sized Prayers for you!
Hey Lindsay,
Shed a tear and said a prayer for you this morning. Obviously greater things are yet to come for you and your family.
Mike Chaisson
I'm so sorry Lindsay. Deb and I prayed without knowing any names yesterday - so today we added your name to those prayers. In the midst of this pain, I learned good news from you though. I did not know that you had someone special in your life and that a new marriage was coming. In that Deb and I can rejoice with you too.
May the God who loves us beyond measure send you peace and may He comfort you with his servants - your friends.
Lindsay, I'm praying for you, and I know that God has something amazing in store for you.
http://coreymann.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-job-does-not-define-my-worth.html
I wrote this for somebody else, then I thought of you....hope it doesn't come off cheesy
I found this blog completely randomly searching the internet for of all things cake batter cookies.
I will tell you this, I'm from New York, and this economy is taking it's toll everywhere.
Everyone around me, including about 30 people at the company I work for have been "let go" since New Years.
I just want to let you know that, as a country, we are all in this together, and we will find a way to get through, somehow.
Have hope, and stay strong.
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